Ask most executives and managers where they spend
most of their so-called, non-productive time, and
most will answer, "Dealing with people
issues!"
Differences and disagreements are a
natural part of working together. In a healthy
organization, where there are appropriate channels
and ways of expressing differences, a certain amount
of disagreement—or "conflict"—is energizing and
often creative. However, when differences lead to
personal confrontation, inappropriate aggression, or
intolerably high levels of tension, something must
be done to mitigate the tension and redirect the
behaviors of those involved. This is not only a
part of your job, it is also a responsibility of
your managers, in partnership with an HR
professional.
There’s no getting around the
fact that some people are just plain difficult. And
you know who they are. They come in every form, at
different levels, and no workplace is immune. How
you deal with a difficult person
depends largely on your self-esteem, your
self-confidence and your professional courage.
Handling conflicts and difficult people is easier
when they are just generally obnoxious or when the
behavior affects more than one person. Dealing with
difficult people is much tougher when they are
attacking you or undermining your professional
contribution.
Difficult People Come In
Every Conceivable Variety
Some talk constantly and never listen. Others
must always have the last word. Some coworkers fail
to keep commitments. Others criticize anything that
they did not create. Difficult people may compete
with you for power, privilege and the spotlight.
Some go way too far in courting your positive
opinion—to your devaluation.
Others attempt to undermine you—making you feel
as if you constantly need to watch your back. Maybe
your boss plays favorites and the privileged party
lords it over you. People form cliques and leave
you out. Yes, difficult people and situations exist
in every company—big and small. They all have one
thing in common. They need to be addressed - by you!
No matter what type of situation you’re in, dealing
with difficult people or situations is a must.
Why You Must Deal With Difficult
People
Trust me. Your situation won’t get better if you
don’t do anything about it. It usually gets worse.
When conflict is not dealt with, it simmers just
below the surface—and often erupts
counterproductively. At first, people go into shock
when they are treated unprofessionally, so take some
time to understand exactly what is happening. Once
you are fully aware of what is going on, do not live
with that situation. It is not an option. The
longer you delay taking action, the angrier you will
become. And that anger can lead to so much pain
that your efforts to address the situation may
become irrational.
Maintain Objectivity And Emotional
Control When Addressing The Problem
Constant complaining about your problem person or
situation can quickly earn you the title of a
whiner. Others may wonder why you are unable to
solve your own problems—even if their tolerance or
encouragement of the situation is part of the
problem. Do yourself a world of good by
maintaining objectivity, self-control, and a
professional attitude.
Worst Case Scenario If You Fail to Deal
With Difficult People
If you are embroiled in a constant conflict at
work, you may not only get blamed for being “unable
to handle the situation like a mature professional,”
you may be labeled as a “difficult” person, too.
This label is hard to escape and can have
devastating consequences for your reputation and
possibly your career.
Finally, if the situation continues to
deteriorate over time, the organization and the
person or persons you report to may tire of you.
You may be considered “high maintenance”, or a poor
leader, or unsuited for the job. That could lead to
your being replaced by a more professional or
cooperative person, and you could lose your job.
Dealing With the Difficult
Coworker
I’m aware of companies in which all sorts of
dysfunctional approaches to dealing with a difficult
coworker have been tried. Putting an anonymous note
in the person’s mailbox is not an option. Placing a
can of deodorant on a hygiene-challenged coworker’s
desk is not a productive option either. Confronting
the bully publicly can often lead to disaster.
Remember, in almost all cases you need to
effectively deal with your difficult coworker.
So, let’s look at half a dozen of the most
productive ways to do that.
Six Tips for Dealing With Difficult
People
1. Start out by examining yourself.
Are you sure that the other person is
really the problem and that you're not overreacting?
Have you always experienced difficulty with the
same type of person or actions? Does a pattern
exist for you in your interaction with coworkers?
Do you recognize that you have hot buttons that are
easily pushed? (We all do, you know.) Always start
with self-examination to determine that the object
of your attention really is a difficult person’s
actions.
2. Explore what you are experiencing
with a trusted friend or colleague.
Brainstorm ways to address the situation. When you
are the object of an attack, or your boss or peer
seems to support the dysfunctional actions of a
coworker, it is often difficult to objectively
assess your options. Anger, pain, humiliation, fear
and concern about making the situation worse are
legitimate emotions.
Pay attention to the unspoken agreement you
create when you solicit another’s assistance. It is
vitally important to understand that you are
committing to act, unless you both agree actions will
only hurt the situation. Otherwise, you risk
becoming a whiner or complainer in the eyes of your
colleague.
3. Approach the person with whom you are
having the problem for a private
discussion. Talk to them about what you are
experiencing in “I”
messages. (Using “I” messages is a
communication
approach that
focuses on your experience of the situation rather
than on attacking or accusing the other person.)
You can also explain to your coworker the impact of
their actions on you.
4. Be pleasant and agreeable as you talk
with the other person. They may not be
aware of the impact of their words or actions on
you. They may be learning about their impact on you
for the first time. Or, they may have to consider
and confront a pattern in their own interaction with
people. Worst case? They may know their impact on
you and deny it or try to explain it away.
Unfortunately, some difficult people just don’t
care. During the discussion, attempt to reach
agreement about positive and supportive actions
going forward.
5. Follow up after the initial
discussion. Has the behavior changed?
Gotten better? Or worse? Determine whether a
follow-up discussion is needed. Whether a follow-up
discussion will have any impact. Decide if you want
to continue to confront the difficult person by
yourself. Become a peacemaker. (Decide how badly
you want to make peace with the other person and how
much you value your current job. Determine whether
you have experienced a pattern of support from your
boss and peers.) If you answer, “yes,” to these
questions, hold another discussion. If not,
escalate and move to the next idea.
6. Confront your difficult coworker’s
behavior publicly. Deal with the person
with gentle humor or slight sarcasm. Or, make an
exaggerated physical gesture. No, not that one—a
salute, or place your hand over your heart to
indicate a serious wounding.
You can also tell those pain-in-the-butts that
you’d like them to consider important history in
their decision-making or similar words expressed
positively, depending on the subject. Direct
confrontation does work well for some people in some
situations. I don’t think it works to publicly ask
the person to stop doing what they’re doing, but you
can use more positive confrontational tactics.
Their success for you will depend on your ability to
pull these tactics off. Each of us is not
spur-of-the-moment funny, but if you are, you may
want to try the humor approach.
Executive Search International